Cent-Impede

On March 28, a Collins Hall resident reported that an insect invasion was bugging him. In just a few ticks, facilities responded to the room, where they told all occupants to flea. Seeing that removing the dormiscuous bugs wasn’t nearly as easy as ant-icipated, the exterminators had to result to using hor-nets to catch them. Usually, such antics are left for extermination of brothels, where worms can do a lot of damage. Luckily, however, all of the pests fell for the trick, and the dorm room is now clean again. The residents are safe, and the apartment is able to bee as fly as ever. Well, at least for another moth…

Broken and Entered

Last week, University Police were asked to assist Waltham Police in the investigation of a rather unfortunate event that occurred off- campus: A Bentley student reported that their car had been forcibly broken-into. The vehicle was parked in Waltham when it was penetrated, and several personal items, including a Bentley-issued laptop computer, were stolen. The newly web-enabled criminal appeared to have gained access to the interior of the vehicle by throwing a rock through the passenger-side window. Our condolences go out to the victimized student, but the question remains: what the heck were you doing parking your car in Waltham? There are only a few things in the good ole ‘tham that are worth leaving campus for, and none of them involve stepping foot out of your car. For future reference, the “park” mechanism in your car is only useful in one situation ‘round these parts, and that’s when you’re sitting in rush- hour traffic on Main Street. Other than that, keep those wheels a-turnin’!

Traffic Troubles

A staff member reported being involved in an off-campus motor vehicle accident last week. When the law-abiding member of the Bentley community stopped for a red light, the driver of the trailing vehicle was not as quick to the brake pedal. After smacking the rear end (not in that way…get your mind out of the gutter!), the party at fault was pretty piston felt that our fellow Falcon stopped abruptly. Obviously this dude wanted to make a car-cass out of the venerable Bentley employee, but his words didn’t mirror the wheel story. If you ask these reporters, this dangerous driver deserves a good ol’fashioned gas-kicking.

Toilet Turmoil

Dispatch received a call this week from a Bentley student who reported that his toilet was clogged and “backing up into his room”. The dispatch officer, for some strange reason, only notified facilities of the matter. What was he thinking?! Doesn’t he realize that we have a walking toilet on our hands? I mean look what the kid said: the toilet was literally backing up into his room. Like, it already destroyed the bathroom and now was turning its wrath to the rest of the room. What’s next? The rest of the building? The Green Space? God forbid…MEIN BOWL? Who knows where this toilet will stop its treacherous path of destruction! Someone call the Seals!

Faulty Fakey

Last Sunday evening, an officer was administering an inventory of a Bentley student’s wallet when he discovered what appeared to be a fake, out-of-state identification. The officer seized the questionable ID and performed an investigation into its validity. It was determined that the ID was indeed falsified; the real identification number actually belonged to a female party in the state where the ID was issued. Textbook fakey mistake. Always make sure that your new ID digits from ID chief aren’t ALREADY IN USE. Those guys must be running low, huh? Just repeating identification numbers, hoping no one notices. Getting so lazy. Pretty soon Skellig is gonna get wind of this…GREAT. What are we going to do on Thursdays now? At least you don’t need an ID for nug night…

This is in Bold

Last week featured multiple arrests surrounding the issue of alcohol. There were people under 21 consuming it. There were people consuming it in public. There were belligerent drunk people fighting with the police that arrested them. Heck, there were even belligerent drunk people under 21 consuming alcohol in public and them fighting with the police! Why not go for the trifecta, right? These reporters don’t quite understand this – as college students, we should be much more creative. Is nice weather the one reason to drink during the day? Think about it…you can look online and find out that every day is a holiday. By no means are we promoting day drinking, we’re just saying that nice weather isn’t the only reason to celebrate. A few other events that are cause for celebration: finishing your GB 320 project, acing your GB 212 exam and taking your last ever midterm. These are all up-and-coming joyous moments, and we encourage you to celebrate them responsibly.

FRESHMAN PUKE COUNT

Two. That’s it. Two. It’s depressing, really. These kids are so inconsistent. But who knows, maybe they will eat too many Cadbury Eggs this Easter weekend and start a little puke streak… Hey, can’t we dream?

Wood in Trees

University Police were dispatched to Cedar Hall last Saturday night to respond to reports of a rather intoxicated student. Upon finding the student standing near the third floor Men’s bathroom, the responding officers got quite a show: the student was reportedly “not fully clothed.” The officers, eyes closed tightly we presume, interrogated the nudist student and came to the conclusion that he was, well, sledge-hammered. His rap sheet will include an underage alcohol violation, public intoxication, and protective custody. The student was wrapped in a blanket and promptly transported to the hospital for treatment. Looks like that makes two pigs in blankets seen by the residents of Cedar Hall this night!

Leap Cray

On February 29, a student reported that she hit a motor vehicle at the Orchard Deck. More specifically, her vehicle hit another vehicle. Her fist wouldn’t do much damage, but that’s beside the point. Apparently, this automotive attack occurred after the reporting student backed out of a handicap spot, which she parked in to drop somebody off. Now, it’s great that the driver reported this, but one has to wonder what was going through her head. Just because it’s a Leap Day doesn’t mean that our common standards of legality and decency can be disregarded! Karma works its magic, regardless of how many days are in the calendar year. Handicap spots are blue for a reason, and you’ll be blue if you park in one. Don’t test karma, because she’s a witch.

Keep it in the Family

A female student reported to University Police that a gray suitcase had been stolen from her car. When asked about the contents of the suitcase, the student responded: “Cash.” There are no leads in this case, but we aren’t too worried. Considering the fact that this chick was rolling around with a suitcase filled with straight greenbacks, these reporters fully expect that the thief will show up very soon…most likely in the trunk of a black Cadillac driven by some guy named Sal somewhere in the North End.

Have You Seen My Laptop?

Last Monday morning, University Police took a call regarding a larceny that occurred in the Smith Technology Center. A female reported that her laptop had been stolen from a room in which she had been studying. Apparently, the student briefly left the room and returned to find her laptop missing. When asked to describe the computer, the student informed University Police that it was a HP EliteBook 8440p, colored silver. If you see any computers that look like this, PLEASE LET UNIVERSITY POLICE KNOW IMMENDIATELY!

Snow

On the evening of March 1, a sergeant notified dispatch of inclement weather on campus. Dispatch notified grounds who, upon looking outside, verified the fact that it was snowing. The drivers of the numerous motor vehicles that crashed between Rauch and Collins would presumably agree with this statement.

Famished Frosh

After hearing the sound of glass smashing last Thursday night, a concerned citizen informed University Police of possible foul play in Miller Hall. Officers, upon arriving to the dormitory, found that the first floor candy machine had been broken into and stolen from. A freshman hooligan was seen fleeing the scene of the crime, and University Police were able to track him down. The student not only admitted to breaking and stealing from the machine, but he will also be charged with possession and use of a controlled substance, for his odor was suggestive of a night spent with our old friend Mary Jane. Quite a costly case of the munchies we have here! Just remember: Asia Wok > larceny and a drug violation…9 times out of 10.

Parked Her Car-cas

A female student was placed into protective custody on the evening of Saturday, February 25. Despite enlisting the help of her friend, a female student was experiencing difficulty in exiting a vehicle in front of Collins on the evening of Saturday, February 25. These reporters usually recommend the feet-first method, but this girl decided to put her feat first. Unfortunately, she was unable to successfully disembark from her failboat, and she surprisingly failed an ensuing sobriety test. This co-ed will be charged with public intoxication and an underage alcohol violation. However, she now knows a few ways to not exit a car!

DOCUMENTED FROSH PUKE COUNT

The freshmen continue their moderate pace this week, gagging their way to an additional six pukes. At this midpoint of the semester, the freshmen have accumulated a Spring 2012 total of 45 documented pukes. Let us put that into perspective for you: at the END of last semester, this same group had 57 vomits. Considering that we still have St. Patrick’s Day, Patriot’s Day, and SPRING DAY left to go, these frosh are set to obliterate their fall semester mark. Now, don’t get cocky kids, but you guys just might be on pace for some record-breaking numbers!

Sean Harrington and Brian Shea

Last Sunday, just after 3 a.m., officers responded to a suspicious vehicle parked on the Bentley campus. Upon inspection, it was determined that the vehicle contained two male parties. The officer deemed that the car was harmless.

Alright, this story just spits awesomeness. Somehow, some bros managed to fit TWO ENTIRE PARTIES into their car.  Shocks bouncing, gasoline-flavored jungle juice flowing, scratchy bass pounding… the works. Ya, sure the parties were both all male, but what difference does that make? It wouldn’t be Bentley if I didn’t rub genitalia with 100 other dudes to some God-awful Avicii song at least once a weekend. Wait… What was that? Party is a legal term for “individual”? Oh. Well, I’m sticking with my story; it’s like a gazillion times cooler. Sh-sh-shake that!

Hide and Go Chic

On January 31, a distraught co-ed told University Police that she lost her purse in Lindsay Hall. When asked if it was a satchel, she retorted that it was, indeed, a purse. She believes that she lost it while getting her learn on in Smith or Lindsay, but she could not find her bag or the purse-onal items it contained when she returned to look. If anyone has Nate the Great as a LinkedIn connection, this may be the time to reach out to your professional network for some help. Otherwise, this girl’s lips are as good as bare! Remember our motto, kiddos – if you want to lose some money, floor it; if you want to keep your money, wallet.

Better With the Lights On

Apparently, students weren’t the only ones getting hammered on our first weekend back (21+ students, obviously). Overhead lights on the third floor of Kresge Hall were also getting smashed during the wee hours of Saturday, January 28. A venerable Bentley Police officer responded to the scene for a report of vandalism, and one student was placed under arrest.  Surely this student wasn’t lightheaded, but these reporters wouldn’t be surprised if he destroyed more than lamp cells that night. We obviously don’t need to remind you of the first principle of Kresgeconomics: as the supply of brain cells decreases, the demand for hallway lighting increases. Otherwise, our nights will yield to the darkness that Mother Nature so cruelly provides us with.

Big Smell-ow Taxi

On January 28, just after midnight, University Police responded to a call from a cab driver who was concerned for the health of one of his Bentley University patrons. The driver reported that a female party, clearly a victim of a rather “taxing” night on the town, had vomited in the back seat of his vehicle. Officers found the student conscious and alert, though it was evident that she had not been fare-ing too well: the front of her blouse was accented by a colorful splash of vomit. AMR was contacted and the student was transported to Newton-Wellesley Hospital for treatment. Clearly this lassie’s night did not go quite as planned, but these reporters do have some good news: vomit is this season’s new black. Tyra Banks, Ozzy Osbourne’s creepy, ugly daughter, and that annoyingly loud old woman with the smoker’s voice that somehow got a show on E! all agree: no spew, no clue! Do the Technicolor Yawn and WORK IT GURL!!

Time to Recharge

On Monday, January 31, a staff member reported missing items from her office in the LaCava Center. These missing items included a Blackberry charger and a USB cable used for the phone. To be honest, this may be a blessing in disguise. I mean, let’s be honest, what’s the advantage of having a Blackberry these days? You can get the Internet on better phones. You can get your e-mail on better phones. What sets Blackberry apart, BBM? The more difficult version of text messaging? No offense, but we think this is an invitation into the new decade. Ditch the Blackberry, go Droid.

#SeasonsProbs

On January 31, a Sodexo member reported an issue with equipment in Seasons Dining Hall. Get in line, bro. Do you actually think that you’re the first person to have an issue with that intrepid leader in subpar food production?  We’re pretty sure that their customer service hotline is continually inundated with hungry college students. I’ve personally been on hold for a year and two months. At this point, we just have to make the best of what we have. Heck, I legitimately could not tell the difference in taste between my piece of tilapia and my plastic fork, so I ate them both (not too bad, for the record). Therefore, loyal readers, you probably should get used to eating off paper plates for the foreseeable future.

FRESHMAN PUKE COUNT:

Those frosh kept their high puke numbers going this weekend, putting up a not-so-sober 14 spot. That brings the semester total to 31. Add that to 57 last semester, and our yearly count reaches a cool 88. The kiddos had a pretty decent excuse this week, though: anyone who is forced to look at Eli Manning’s face for more than five seconds at a time is guaranteed to gag at the very least. I don’t think I’m too far from the truth when I say that the man resembles my big toe. Don’t tell Rex Ryan! He’ll try to suck him, just like he’s doing to Peyton!

Trees on Trees on Trees

On November 30, an RA reported that students may have been smoking weed outside or Oak Hall. When police arrived, no students were found puffing the magic dragon. As a few of you might know, smoking marijuana is illegal in these parts. However, if Bentley really wants to stop students from blowing trees, why are seven of the nine freshman dorms named Alder, Birch, Cedar, Elm, Maple, Oak and Spruce? If suspicious odors are such a problem, why does the entire campus smell like manure whenever some landscaping is done? If Bentley is that concerned about students being high, then why was it built on a hill? Obviously, marijuana has a distinct, interrupting smell, but the tone at the top seems kind of fishy, too.

Ants Being Birches

On the first of December, Facilities was notified of an ant problem in Birch. Ants in trees, big shocker there right? Nonetheless, there are many ways in which these ants could provide us with some sort of value. If Bentley starts charging students to have cable, maybe we could use the ants’ antennae to pick up another local signal. Their antennae could also help people to get cell phone service in more remote areas, such as the Service-Learning Center. Last, but not least, throwing ants at people is a great way to say “get away from me, the restraining order is still pending.” The way we see it, we don’t have an ant problem, we have a freshman problem. Accept the ants as your friends, and your life will improve dramatically.

byePhone

A student walked into the Police Station to report that his iPhone was stolen. Unfortunately, this student was sadly mistaken. He left his iPhone on a library table, and (gasp!) it wasn’t there the next day. Now he doesn’t know where it is, and he can’t seem to track it down. Now,  shouldn’t there be an app for that? Isn’t there an app for everything? If this person’s iPhone has turned into a youPhone, please return it to the Police Station. Say you randomly found it while volunteering, or something. Remember, Santa’s watching.

Want a Soda, Pop?

University Police received a call last Tuesday reporting that an elderly man was causing a disturbance. Apparently, the man was rummaging through a dumpster on campus in search of bottles and cans. When an officer responded, however, our old friend was nowhere to be found, furtively avoiding the wrath of the law. However, there is no need to worry, students of Bentley University. While cops failed to bottle-up this Sprite old hag this time around, they’ll be sure to Dew the right thing and throw his butt in the can when he fizzes up again. No rest until we capture the Fanta-m of the Dumpster!

Someone Call Ski Patrol!

Last Wednesday, University Police was notified by a rather disturbed student that there appeared to be an offensive, anti- Semitic image painted on a rock behind Collins Hall. The distasteful image was painted in bright gold spray paint and was prominently displayed for everyone to see. When closely examined, however, it was determined that the image was actually the logo for the Ski and Snowboard Club and not a hurtful, Nazi symbol.
Well, skiers and snowboarders are at it again. First they single-handedly account for the tragic death of one of the greatest actresses of all time (Natasha Richardson, mother in The Parent Trap), next they make us root for the scariest ginger since Carrot Top (Shaun White), and now this? The nerve of these people…just painting huge logos that look like swastikas all over our school like they own the place. Well guess what? Not anymore! Your reign is over! Get your skis/boards out, ‘cause here comes a blizzard of bad public opinion…MWAHAHA!

Light up the Forest

Last Monday afternoon, a Resident Director reported that two males claimed that the smoke detectors in their room had been tampered with while they were away. A University Police officer validated this claim, and also discovered drugs and drug paraphernalia littering the room. Apparently, one or more of these boys’ roommates had been using the room as their own, personal weed pad over the holiday and had failed to notify his roommates of his plan. The violators will be judicially charged with possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and tampering with fire equipment.
These reporters believe that this was merely a minor misunderstanding. The gentlemen were probably under the impression that they actually lived in a forest, where it is “ok” to smoke. Such a situation can happen when you live in an eight-man suite. Guys: Just because your roommates smell like apes and your common room is as clean as a swamp doesn’t mean that you are actually living in a real forest. It can be tricky, but try to keep that in mind next time you light – up there.

DOCUMENTED FRESHMAN PUKE COUNT:

At last, the torrid puking streak comes to an end. After two straight weeks in the double digits, the frosh chucked up a deuce this week, pun certainly intended. These two barfs bring the semester total to 57. You guys have one more weekend before finals start… Do you have any puke left in you? This is the fourth quarter, kids… Leave it all on the toilet! And in the stairwells. And the halls…

Tablet Troubles
University Police received a complaint last week about an iPad that had apparently been stolen from a classroom in Smith. The owner had left to use the restroom, and when she returned her computer had vanished.
The culprit here is mind numbingly clear: It was Steve Jobs. Ok, we all know you were paranoid about protecting your products, but this is really too far. You just HAD to resurrect yourself and steal every Apple product on the planet so that you can bring it up to the “cloud” with you, didn’t you? Have a little pride, man. Bill “Pearly” Gates is laughing at you right now. (Too soon?)

A Trough Night
There was a little too much horseplay going on in Fenway on the night of Saturday 15. University Police received a call from a student who reported that spilled liquid and hay were scattered throughout the building. Apparently, some Smarty Jones thought it would be cool to show his Funny Cide by wasting valuable training resources.

Mentally, this dude must have been un-Stable. You don’t just strew water and hay around like it’s nothing! Once this is squared straight away, an RA (or a War Admiral) will most likely crack the whip on this Easy Goer.

Crash Into Me
Last Monday at about 8:30 a.m., a caller reported having almost been hit by an oncoming vehicle while she was crossing the street. The caller, who is a staff member, told University Police that it was a Bentley Facilities car that nearly caused the collision.

These reporters have come to this conclusion about this curious situation: It doesn’t make sense. Just think about it: Where in the name of Abraham Lincoln’s grandmother is a facilities truck going IN A RUSH?!? Facilities does not “do” timeliness: We’re pretty sure the heating system in our room hasn’t worked since Nam.

Angry Beavers
On the morning of Sunday, October 16, an officer reported a disabled vehicle that was stuck on Beaver Street. Now, we feel badly about the vehicle having a physical problem, but we think that calling it “disabled” is a tad offensive.

As you can see from our statement, we’re pretty sympathetic. That’s a quality that sets us humans apart from savage animals, is it not? Well, if you don’t think it is, then please try explaining this story to me. A vehicle gets stuck on Beaver Street? If you ask me, the beavers who occupy the street (and who the street is obviously named after) built a dam in anticipation of this differently abled vehicle. Showing no regard for human life, the beavers constructed this dam in the middle of the road, halting the poor vehicle in its tracks.

At this point, the car was hopeless. Luckily, the Waltham Police Department and a tow company were sent a distress signal, and they came to the rescue as soon as possible. Chalk another win up for humans – we really are better than swamp creatures, no matter how angry the beavers are.

Rhoasting Rhodes
Last week, University Police’s attention was sparked by a fire in Rhodes Hall. Apparently, a student was using a toaster oven when a bit of food made contact with the hot surface. When smoke began emanating from the toaster, the resident knew she was in a bit of a jam.

There was indeed a flame, butter instincts were good: She smothered the flame as quickly as possible before it could spread anymore. While the student may be toast when she goes to Judicial, she should be happy that she was not cooked for real.

We’re not Drinking This Kool-Aid
On Monday, October 17, officers spoke with a Copley South resident regarding damage to a wall. As it turns out, the student reportedly either kicked the wall or smashed it with an object. In our humble opinion, this kid is getting framed, as we all know who the real culprit is here: The Kool-Aid man.

Indeed, this annoying jug of water, sugar and red dye #40 busts through the wall to affirmatively correct you every time you say, “Oh no!” He may think he’s breaking down barriers, but he’s really just being a public nuisance. Effective immediately, we are offering a $4.57 award to anyone brave enough to bring this criminal to justice, or to Seasons.

It might be nice to have a change from Hi-C, and there are fewer walls for him to break in the Student Center. Think about it – it’s a win-win.

FRESHMAN PUKE COUNT
Our count added two additional pukers this week, bringing our semester count to 27. A relatively slow week this week… Could you possibly be growing up, frosh? Doubtful. But prove us wrong!

Wet Laundry
University Police received a phone call on Monday afternoon about a substance that looked, smelled and tasted EXACTLY like urine found in a drier in Collins Hall. Ok, seniors, Laundry Room Etiquette 101 cram session real quick. Rule Number One: Elevator rules apply at all times, meaning no talking or eye contact of any sort in the laundry room. It’s just awkward. Rule Number Two: Never take anyone else’s clothes out of the washer. That clearly undoes the whole half-hour process. Rule Number Three: Finally, never, and I mean never, take a piss in the drier! Guys, we can’t send you into the world thinking you can pee wherever you damn well please! You’re better than that. At least do it in the washer!

Like a Rolling Stone
Forest Hall was really rocking last Sunday night, as University Police responded to a caller who witnessed two hooligans chucking stones at the fabled dormitory. Apparently, there was a contest to determine the boulder of the two culprits. Little did our two friends know, their game was on the rocks – officers responded within minutes, and the two were found molten-lava handed.
Clearly caught between a rock and a hard place, the two denied their flinty behavior. They will be charged with suspicious behavior. Word to the wise: Don’t throw stones at glass houses…even if the house is actually brick…and not really a house.

When It Rains, It Pours
Last Saturday, University Police notified Facilities of urine found on the floor in Copley North, as well as in an elevator in Copley South. Throw these two occurrences together with the Collins drier fiasco, and it looks like we have three mysterious urinations in three days. There is really only one reasonable explanation for this, Bentley: We are all under attack. The Ubiquitous Urinator has arrived. At any turn, UU may be lurking in the shadows, relieving himself for the hell of it, destroying our campus one puddle at a time. Nobody is safe. Your room could be next. Godspeed.

BAMF
On Thursday evening at 8:55 p.m., University Police received a complaint about what sounded like someone using a megaphone outside of either Copley South or Fenway Suites. However, upon arrival, officers reported no such sound, saying that the coast was clear. Phew! Well, guys, we made it by the skin of our teeth there, huh? Seriously, if they find out about BAMF (Bentley Association of Mega- Foners), heads are going to roll. What else are we going to do on Thursday nights? Watch Jersey Shore? Um…no. BAMF is where it’s at. Let’s clean it up.

Pee’s Company
Last Thursday evening, residents of a Kresge suite noticed a puddle on their bathroom floor. We’re telling you, this UU is pissed. This is a man on a mission. Our guess is that he’s a Soviet spy, because he’s Russian all over campus to find new makeshift toilet substitutes. These reporters hope is that he holds it in after this story is leaked. At this point, hope is just about all we’ve got.

Restraining Orders: A Love Story
Recently, a male student requested to talk to an officer regarding a female who had been…well…stalking him. This male was sufficiently creeped out, fearing that the female may be trying to carry out the most heartless, lethal form of biological warfare: The spread of cooties. So far, this unidentified man has escaped free of harm. As for the female, these reporters recommend that she not worry about her prospects for a misandrous relationship. There are plenty of fish in the sea. In fact, here at Bentley, there is a whole school of them.

Fire and Rubber and Stairs, Oh My!
On the morning of Monday, September 26, an officer responded to a report of something burning in Smith. This concern was soon put to rest, as no burning substances were found. However, there was a prevalent odor of burnt rubber. As it turns out, this smell came from the Trading Room, where the wheels were kicked into motion for a fantastic day on Wall Street. The Dow went up over 270 points and closed at over 11,000. Mark this case as closed – the stocks were the only things on fire that day.

“Friending 101”
Last Monday, a male resident of Orchard North stepped out of the shower, only to find a suspicious, unknown male in his living room looking at his computer. Now, don’t get us wrong, we’re all for making new friends, but let’s get real here. Creepily chilling in a complete stranger’s living room and staring at his valuables probably won’t endear you to your prospective BFF.
Common, accepted ways to meet new people include joining match.com, being introduced or joining a club. However, if you choose to bypass those three, the common courtesy is to kick off your new friendship is knocking on the door. That may go over better than a frantic explanation as to why you’re creeping on your new friend getting out of the shower. But hey, to each his own.

FRESHMAN PUKE COUNT
Due to technical difficulties, our frosh yacker tally was unavailable to our readership last week. Our apologies. We had five additions to the list last week, joined by four more this week. That brings our semester tally to 20 first-year spewers! Tisk, tisk, tisk…

Paintballin’
On Sunday at 6:28 p.m., officers responded to Collins Hall for a report of a student’s vehicle being shot at with paintballs as he drove by. Upon further investigation, it was determined that someone was shooting the gun out of a sixth-story window. The hit party reported that a pellet had hit his car, but it was fully intact and did not explode. This story was confirmed with visual evidence.

Officers went up to the snipers’ room and were met by one male student at the door. This student said he was the only one home and no one had been home for the last 45 minutes. He did not admit to the crime, and the officers were not allowed to access the room to confirm that no one was present. This case is still under investigation and follow up with the missing roommates is planned.

Chin Up, Dude
Late Sunday at 12:27 a.m., a caller reported that her friend had a deep and bleeding laceration on his chin. Officers were dispatched to Miller Hall and found the injured student outside. While speaking with this student, the officer determined that he was unstable and slurring his speech. He was then transported for further treatment and received stitches. He will be judicially charged with being uncooperative with personnel and public intoxication.

Freshman Fun Day
On Friday, April 15, at 8:49 a.m. officers requested a tow in Lot 11 for a freshman in violation of receiving excessive tickets. The specific car was a black Ford with no decal. After cross referencing the information, they found that the owner was a freshman in Miller Hall. The freshman had already been issued a ticket for not having a decal that very week. The specific number of previous tickets is not available, but mind you, it was surely excessive. Some kids never learn.

Not on My Tree
On Saturday, April 16, at 1:02 a.m., an officer noticed an only too familiar sight. Near the Falcone circle, he saw a male begin to urinate on a tree. The officer approached the male, who he identified as a Bentley student, and asked him why he decided to urinate in public. He apologized and then reported that he lived in Falcone West. He had no answer as to why he could not just walk into the building.

The student was very determined to be coherent and steady on his feet, but the trained eyes of the officer knew better. He will be charged with disorderly contact, specifically urinating in public.

The Cold North
On Saturday, April 16, at 10:22 p.m., a “student reported walking by Orchard North and noticed a window open in the study area and was concerned that it may be getting cold in there. Facilities was notified to close the window.”

Fighting Words
On Thursday, April 14, at 4:11 p.m., an officer requested a set of numbers for an uncooperative party in the Police Station lobby. The student in the lobby was arguing over a parking citation that he was issued earlier in the day for parking in a general lot.Apparently, the issue was that he wanted to park in a general parking area, reserved for our respected commuter students and visitors, instead of in the resident lots.
Sometimes the two can get confusing, but this student escalated things a bit too far. He will be judicially charged with a vehicular violation, disorderly conduct and disrespect to administrative personnel based on his few choice words for the lobby staff.

Circle Time
On Thursday, April 14, at promptly 5:53 p.m., an officer observed three males sitting on the grass near the volleyball courts. There were three males in a small circle and one sitting in the middle. Once they spotted the officer, one student threw a small object into the wooded area nearby. As the officer got closer, he detected a smell of burnt marijuana. He questioned the males as to who had been smoking this marijuana, but was met with silent stares. Then the middle man spoke up that actually no one had been smoking any marijuana.
After identifying all three of the males, they were determined to be Bentley students. During a pocket check, a marijuana cigarette came tumbling out onto the grass. All three males will be charged with possession and use of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and being uncooperative with administrative personnel.

Fox on the Loose
On Thursday, April 14, at 3:47 p.m., officers received a call about a Fox News van hanging around the Copley residence halls. After quickly responding to the mentioned area, they found no evidence of media vehicles in sight. In fact, all gates were down and the metal poles situated accordingly. Officers cleared, but were sure to tune in to the 6:00 news.

By Chad Arrendell, Katie Cavanaugh, & Raymer Maguire

An Inconvenient Stop
On Sunday, April 3, at 7:14 p.m., a student failed to make it far on the Bentley campus when attempting to take a cruise. It seems that the driver wrongly estimated the level of the empty gas tank. Officers found the student standing outside of the station next to a disabled motor vehicle, waiting for ProTech services to arrive with a fresh supply of good ole petroleum. This ozone burner may consider running their car on bio diesel, as a trip over to the Seasons kitchen would have been a quicker solution.

Tokin
On Monday, April 4, a little after 1 a.m., a noble Bentley community member called University Police to report some possible mischief. The caller said that they believed a person was smoking marijuana behind Kresge Hall. When officers arrived, they searched the area, but were unable to find the joint-smoking culprit.

Flee the Scene
Due to deuce damage, one Rhodes resident called University Police this past week. They reported that their toilet had clogged and that they needed someone to fix it immediately. The caller informed the officer that all the roommates would be leaving the room shortly. Case closed.

Revenge of the Cabby
This Saturday, April 2, at 8:54 p.m., officers received a call from a student reporting an incident involving a cab driver who was verbally rude to her. Though details cannot be included at this time, the local business man apparently made quite an impression. Officers are investigating this case further to make sure apologies are made and feelings are healed. Perhaps this driver was one of the victims in the string of cab ditching that plagued the campus a few weeks back.

Youth in Revolt
Late Saturday night at 1:07 a.m., the station received a call from a staff member in the Student Center who said that a large number of youth were being quite unruly. Officers reported to the scene, yet found nothing unruly at all. Perhaps the mob scene was just moving too fast. Case closed.

Kresge Kids Killing It
While doing rounds in Kresge late Saturday night at 1:19 a.m., a staff member on duty found a goldmine of trouble in the second floor stairwell. Reports of broken glass as well as vomit strewn across the stairs were causing a hazardous situation for students passing through this high-traffic area. Facilities were notified and the situation was cleaned up. All can pass safely, until next weekend that is.

Just Playing
On April 1 at 9:46 p.m., a Bentley staff member got April Fooled into thinking there was a fight breaking out in the room above them. An officer was quickly dispatched to the area only to find out that the students were “play fighting.” By this point, Residence Life was on the scene and took care of the situation. It was just a joke.

Pee
On April 2, at 12:36 a.m., a staff member called University Police to notify them of a large puddle in the Collins elevator. Facilities were notified and the case is considered closed.

The Real City of Brotherly Love
On Saturday at 3:54 p.m., a caller reported that he had found a wallet in Boston that belonged to a Bentley student. The caller stated that he would be unable to bring the wallet to the University Police Department and was advised to drop off the wallet at the Boston Police Department.

When Hunger Strikes

On Sunday, March 20, at 7:55 p.m., officers received a call of reported vandalism in the study room of Cedar Hall. The vending machine had been dangerously busted into, with glass shards all over the floor. All of the desirable contents of the machine had been taken, without even a mere granola bar left for scavengers. The only thing the hungry hoarders left behind was the old gum and mints in the bottom compartments. A wooden chair was mysteriously situated very close to the scene, potentially identified as a tool in this crime. Due to the lack of suspects, this case has been closed.

Coffee Break

On Saturday, March 19, at 9:44 p.m., Facilities reported that a coffee maker was mistakenly left on in their kitchen area and requested that the door be unlocked so the problem could be alleviated. An officer swiped into the area, turned off the machine and removed the pot from the burner. No damage was reported.

Sneakin’ On Through

On Friday, March 18, at 6:16 p.m., a member of the library staff reported that while she was leaving the library, she observed a student still inside even though the library had been closed since 4:30 p.m. She reported that the student said he was able to gain access through the Einstein’s entrance. At this time, she and the studious student left the library and closed the door. A sergeant responded to the library entrance at Einstein’s to make sure the doors were secure. The sergeant and an officer reported that they checked the entire library and found one door to Computer Services that was unsecured, at which point they secured it.

Back It Up

On Friday, March 18, at 11:10 p.m., officers received a report of a motor vehicle accident in the baseball field lot. A female student reported that she struck a black Volkswagen while backing up and caused damage to the other car’s left rear bumper, as well as to the front bumper of her Subaru. It was later found out that the black vehicle was owned by another Bentley student.

Fresh Scents

During regularly scheduled health and safety inspections in Rhodes Hall on Thursday, March 17, a call came in at 3:19 p.m. reporting that drug paraphernalia was found by staff members. After entering the room, which was dirtied with what appeared to be marijuana residue, a glass pipe was confiscated. A plastic drink bottle was also found crammed with a number of fragrant dryer sheets, a common remedy for the recognizable scent. One room resident will be charged with possession and use of drug paraphernalia.

Stunt Double

On Thursday, March 17, at 5:07 p.m., an officer responded to a call from a student who reported that her father received a mysterious call from the Rhode Island State Police claiming that her vehicle was involved in a hit and run accident in Providence, RI. After investigating, the officer reported that the vehicle in question was in fact parked on the Miller Deck and had no damage to it, besides a missing license plate in the front, which had previously fallen off in an unrelated incident. The student was able to sleep easy that night knowing her vehicle was safe, though some other poor soul in Providence, RI certainly did not.

Falling Apart

Last Thursday, March 17, at 8:15 p.m., a sergeant called in to report that the second-level stairs leading to Jennison Hall were rapidly deteriorating. Facilities were notified of this degenerative problem. The Sergeant and a security officer met with Facilities and taped off the area.

A Powerful Hit

On Friday, March 18, there was a motor vehicle collision with a telephone pole on Forest Street. Waltham Police on scene determined that this was the cause of a power surge which caused multiple buildings to go into a troubled state. Fortunately, all power was restored quickly.

Bag of Salad

Shockingly, one student was so forgetful before break that they left two baggies of green leaves on their desk. On March 16, a staff member found these baggies while doing room inspections. The bags were put through a number of analytical tests, and it was determined that the contents was in fact marijuana. The owner of the desk on which the marijuana was found is now being charged with possession and use of a controlled substance.

Blue Man Group

On Wednesday, March 16, at 3:43 p.m., officers responded to a vandalism report regarding painted signs in front of Miller. Two stop signs and one street sign had been tagged with blue spray paint. Similar paint was used in other vandalism earlier this week. This is not believed to be the workings of local gangs, but the investigation is still open.

Drunk Dial

A caller reported that he was in fear for the safety of his friend, who was intoxicated in Copley North. Upon arrival, officers searched the building as well as Copley South, but they were unable to locate the party. The reporting party did not answer several call-back attempts. The officers cleared without further incident.

Passing Showers
On Thursday, February 24 at 5:40 p.m., a student in Miller called in reporting a leaky dorm ceiling. He had no clear lead as to where the dripping was coming from, but he anticipated that a lengthy shower may have been being enjoyed directly above. Facilities were notified and the rainy conditions soon passed.

Smooth Criminal
On Thursday evening at 6:54 p.m., officers received a call that things were not all well in the lobby bathroom on the first floor of the Bentley Library. Recent activity resulted in a large clogging problem in one of the stalls. It was almost the perfect crime.

Infestation
On February 24 at approximately 10:30 p.m., a student called to report ants crawling ferociously in her room. Lucky for her it was in her room, not in her pants.

Cab Fare Evasion
On Friday, February 25 at 12:19 a.m., officers received a call from a hard-working member of the local transportation community that two female students had ran out of his cab without paying their $47.05 fee. The driver reported that they had sprinted into the Fenway building as soon as he pulled up, almost as if it was planned.
Officers spoke with students in the area to see if anyone had seen the mad dashers and might be able to identify the two parties, but they were unable to find anyone who could provide this information. The driver was told that he would be contacted if any new leads were found.

Cab Fare Evasion: Bentley Students Wouldn’t Do That Twice, Right?
On Wednesday night at 7:05 p.m., the station received a visit from an irate taxi driver explaining a situation he was having with a Bentley student. According to reports, earlier in the night the two had formed an agreement that the male student would be transported to and from the city for a flat rate charge each way. As the driver pulled into their final destination on campus, the student mentioned that he had no cash and would have to go into the ATM before he could pay him. Trusting that he would return, the driver agreed.

Unfortunately, something must have come up, because the male student never came back with the cash. Having his contact information, the clever driver gave him a call but was immediately sent to voicemail, which he carefully listened to and extracted the student’s name, enabling the officers to identify the student. The student will be making some sort of resolution for this issue, and he will be judicially charged with larceny and violation of university rules.

Foolish Freshmen
On February 23 at 10:12 a.m., officers spotted a vehicle in the Trees parking lot with no trace of an authorized sticker. After some investigative work, the car was determined to be owned by a freshman student. Knowing this first year student was way out of line, the tow company was swiftly notified. The student will be charged with vehicle violations, as well as being uncooperative with personnel. It turns out he had approached the station the week before, but was denyed the decal.

Snack Attack
A sergeant responded to a call last Wednesday at 9:15 p.m. about a vending machine that had been left open on the first floor of Smith. Hungry lurkers took advantage of the plethora of free treats until officers were able to arrive and label the machine as “out of service.” Dispatch contacted P&J Vending to advise them of the situation.

The Forbidden Forest
At 1:30 a.m. on February 23, while a Bentley officer was out and about on patrol, two drunken gentleman were in the midst of a fantastic journey down Forest Street. According to local witnesses, the pair of males were proceeding down the street in a drunken stupor and didn’t seem to have a clue as to where they were going.
Once the Bentley officer exited his vehicle and spoke to the dynamic duo, one of the males tried to explain that he lived on Lower Campus and was simply making the trip back to his dorm room on foot. However, since the two students were actually headed in the direction of North Campus instead of Lower Campus, the officer decided that a public intoxication charge was in order.

No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem
On Monday, February 21 at 4:42 a.m., officers were dispatched to Slade Hall in response to a report of someone who had passed out in the women’s bathroom. Once the officers arrived on the scene, they were met by a staff member who said that the passed out person had shown no signs of movement so far and was missing his shoes. Fortunately, the officers were able to use their expert training to awaken the fallen young man and immediately began to ask him questions in hopes of figuring out how he had gotten there.

According to the sleepy student, he was “visiting a female friend,” but had forgotten the room number. After a few more minutes of deliberation, the officers decided that since the male was fully coherent, the best course of action would be to help him find his shoes and send him on his merry way to Fenway.

Rash Decision
Last Thursday morning, officers were contacted by a female at the Center for Health and Wellness who was dealing with a rather uncomfortable problem. A rash that had first appeared the night before had become increasingly virulent throughout the night, and even after using Benadryl, it had spread to many other parts of her body.
At 9:52 a.m., she had had enough, and made the decision that ambulance transport was needed. Case closed.

Chest Pains
At 1:00 a.m. on Friday, February 4, officers were dispatched to the Adamian building for a medical evaluation. Once they arrived on the scene, they were met by a Hurley of America worker who led the officers to the injured female party. She was in visible pain, complaining of severe chest spasms.
Due to a language barrier, a translator was necessary, and he explained that she had begun experiencing these symptoms after finishing a meal. Heartburn was quickly ruled out when the female described the pain intensity as an 11 based on a 1 to 10 scale.
 She was immediately transported to the hospital for further treatment. No more is known about her current situation, but we hope they healed her achey-breakey heart.

Slip and Slide
Bentley began February by getting blasted with a lot of hard snow. As the white stuff accumulated, driving around campus began to get increasingly more dangerous. At 9:41 a.m., University Police began to notice cars sliding backwards outside of their station window. The hill at the Beaver Street entrance proved to be too much of an obstacle for some cars, and vehicles began sliding backwards. Witnessing these dangers firsthand confirmed for the Police that a snow day was in order.

Head Case
A curious incident played out this past Tuesday around 12:30 a.m., beginning when a staff member on duty couldn’t help but overhear two female parties colorfully discussing a recent altercation during which one party sustained head injuries.

Hearing complaints of severe pain, the staff member sensed the need for medical attention and called in to the station.
When officers arrived on the scene, the pain from a large welt on the back of the student’s head seemed to have vanished. When questioned about the reported conversation, she informed the officers that there had been no fight and there was no need for medical attention. Fearing memory loss, the officers urged her to seek help, but she stood her ground. A bit later, the student requested a trip to the hospital, but she cannot remember why.

All Shook Up
A female resident of Forest Hall called in at 9 p.m. last Tuesday. She was concerned about a sudden fainting episode. When questioned about a possible cause, the student reported that she had recently halted the use of an unspecified medication and was feeling quite odd. Luckily, her physician indicated that such symptoms were normal, but that did not stop her from fainting just one more time. A follow up has not been made, but we hope she is now well adjusted.

Get What You Want, It’s On Me
At 11 a.m. on January 31, a student ate at Seasons and picked up a package at the Mail Stop. He then noticed that his Bentley ID had been stolen. The perpetrator charged $5 worth of Falcon Funds and a whopping $35 worth of discretionary money to the card. Fortunately, the victim of this crime was able to use the nifty feature on MyBentley to deactivate his card. Unfortunately, it took 10 hours to even realize he had lost it. The case is still open.
You Boys Couldn’t Handle County Jail
University Police were called by local Waltham authorities regarding a pulled over vehicle at the intersection of Harris Road and Forest Park Drive. The original officers said that they approached the car because of shady behavior. The kids in the car may have been acting shady because a cop had just pulled up on their mobile bong session. When the officer approached the car, he was met by five glassy eyed students and a strange aroma. To make matters worse, the officer was able to see a sack of weed.
The officer asked the driver if he would find anything else incriminating inside the car. The student confidently said that they had nothing else, but the officer quickly found a bong and a grinder. These students will be charged with possession and use of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and being uncooperative with police personnel. Waltham Police allowed University Police to handle the situation, since Massachusetts marijuana laws are much less strict than the ones we have on campus.

Who’s Your Daddy?
On Wednesday, December 1, a little after 3 p.m., a distressed father called the Bentley Police for assistance in locating his son.
A sergeant was dispatched to Miller and found the boy in good health.
The officer told the boy of his father’s woes and encouraged him to make the much needed call home. Peace has been restored and the case is considered closed.

Laid Up, Laid Out
At approximately 7:30 p.m. University Police were dispatched to the Dana Center to address a potential instance of foul play.
Once the dispatched officer arrived on the scene, he noticed a female student on her back in a familiar position.
Fortunately, the girl jumped to her feet when the officer got close and it was clear that she was conscious and hadn’t sustained any serious injuries.
According to spectators, the girl sustained a bloody nose while making a valiant attempt at a layup, before she was stopped rather abruptly by an opposing player.
Since the female did not hit her head and wasn’t suffering from dizziness or shortness of breath, she was cleared medically and didn’t require a hospital transport.
It’s for the Kids
On Tuesday, November 30, around 2:30 p.m., a visitor to campus alerted officers that a collection of books had been stolen in the night from a room in LaCava.
The visitor had been on campus the day before promoting Barefoot Books, a publishing company that focuses on inspiring children’s imagination as well as supporting charities.
As the day came to a close, a number of books were left in the room that was said to be locked. Upon arrival on campus in the morning, the visitor found that all of these items, valued at 160 dollars, had disappeared.
The culprit who chose to rob these poor children of their education as well as their dreams has yet to be found.

Vigil
Late Thursday night, around 2 a.m., officers received a call that a door was malfunctioning in Copley South. Residents were concerned about their safety as well as their privacy.

Upon arrival, concerned officers discovered that the door handle had actually been struck, and a piece of the door had been knocked out of place.
Nevertheless, officers staked out through the night to assure that no intruders came in.
Who Let the Dogs Out?
At 7:40 p.m. on November 23, University Police were contacted by the Waltham Police Department in regards to the legal status of a Dining Services employee.
According to the Waltham Police, the employee was the spouse of a female in the area who had been advised to turn himself in as a result of domestic misconduct.
While the campus was not put on alert for any suspicious food, University Police were put on full alert to locate the suspect and ensure that he abide by the restraining order that his spouse filed for.

Ding Dong Ditch
On November 24th at 1:46 a.m., a Bentley Officer rushed over to responded to a call from the emergency phone outside of Copley North 006.
After doing his best Sherlock Holmes impression, the officer realized that the call was probably nothing more than pre-Turkey Day shenanigans and left the area.

Bubblicious
On Sunday, November 21, at 12:18 p.m., the RA of Orchard South placed a call to campus police in regards to a sick washing machine in the building.
Apparently, the machine had one too many cups of detergent and was spewing oodles of bubbles all of the laundry room floor.

Dude, Where’s My Car?
It was not Sunday Funday for the unlucky student who did not think it was unnecessary to get up-to-date registration and plates.
At approximately 8 p.m. on Sunday, November 21, officers ordered the black Honda to be towed, due to outdated registration stickers.
The owner was allowed to pick up the car and park on campus only after a proof of new registration was shown. The student will be charged with a vehicle violation.

Tummy Troubles
An officer was dispatched to Orchard South to help a female student with extreme stomach problems.
The student had been feeling unpleasant all day and had become nauseous to the point of vomiting.
The student claimed to be a diabetic, and an ambulance was called. She was taken to the hospital for further treatment and is now doing okay.

Written By: Chad Arrendell, Raymer Maguire & Katie Cavanaugh

Hot to Trot
Last Wednesday afternoon, a scatterbrained student did the unthinkable. She locked her keys in her car while it was still running. Bentley officers arrived to meet the distressed student, but they were unable to do anything to remedy her problem. AAA was called and they diffused the situation.

I Will Survive
On October 31 at 12:07 p.m., an officer stumbled upon a female student struggling to survive on North Campus. Apparently, she was having an allergic reaction to a small amount of peanut butter that somehow positioned itself exceptionally close to the student’s meal. Even though the female student didn’t have direct contact with any nuts that morning, she still ended up having a severe allergic reaction that couldn’t even be controlled by Benadryl or an EpiPen shot. The officer responded quickly and had the student taken to the hospital before her throat completely closed up.

Halloween Leakage
Late night on Saturday, October 30, a report was called in regarding a large mass of vomit found in Elm Hall. In a strange and coincidental series of events, another report of vomit came from Fenway, then Oak Hall and finally yet another report from Elm Hall. This mess of bodily fluids seemed to spread like wildfire. The night culminated with a disturbing discovery that someone peed in the Copley South elevator.

As the Falcon Flies
On Saturday, October 30, at approximately 10:20 a.m., Bentley Police were notified by Belmont Police of some unruly, off-campus students. The night before, Belmont Police had been dispatched because of an assault as well as a noise complaint. Police had previously been sent to the same location over a taxi fare dispute. The victim who was questioned by police had no visible signs of assault, though he claimed to have been punched in the face. Both off-campus Bentley students will be charged with a violation of University rules, which is common for any student who gets into trouble off campus.

Down But Not Out
Police received a call on October 30 at 3:04 p.m. to report an incident of an assault in Orchard South from the previous evening. When blood was found on the wall by a third party, the observant student knew there had been trouble afoot, and felt that justice should be served. After convening with the injured party, officers noticed visible injury to the right temple and cheek. The suffering student reported that he had also been insulted and sworn at. Even after the victim had been knocked down, the offending party continued to kick, knee and punch him. The malicious hooligans, all identified as non-Bentley students, dashed down the stairs following the beating. After picking himself up, the injured student went to bed, and his concerned roommate brought him ice packs. If only he had been there to back him up, but better late than never.

Paper or Plastic
On the eve of October 31 at 12:51 a.m., an unidentified Bentley student alerted the officer on duty of a messy situation in Maple Hall.

When the officer and student reached the scene of the incident, a female, non-Bentley student was found vomiting into a plastic bag. In between upchucks, the student managed to say, “I’m not OK. I feel like I am dying. I think I need my stomach pumped.”

As if blatantly spilling the beans was not enough of a clue, the responding officer could tell the young lady was severely intoxicated due to a strong odor of booze emanating from her. After the puker was taken to the hospital, her host ended up taking one for the team and was charged with a guest misconduct and alcohol violation.

Cat & Mouse
At 12:05 a.m. on Saturday, October 30, a Bentley officer was flagged down by a rent-a-cop in distress. According to the hired help, there was a group of six males causing a ruckus in the Copley circle.
Once the officer and rent-a-cop approached the scene and announced their presence, the majority of the males scattered like ants under a magnifying glass.

However, one of the misbehaving males didn’t manage to put much distance between himself and the officer, and a high-speed chase ensued. The officer pursued the male suspect through three floors of Copley North and two floors of Copley South before losing sight of him.

Much to the student’s chagrin, he found himself in handcuffs on the first floor, despite having eluded the grasp of the pursing officer. It didn’t take long for the student in question to attempt to weasel his way out of trouble by explaining that the ruckus was not his fault since he was punched in the face before the officer was on the scene. Unfortunately for the student, he received another painful blow, this time judicially.

He was documented for underage consumption of alcohol, public intoxication, disorderly conduct, and being uncooperative with administration, and he was given some time in protective custody courtesy of the Waltham Police Department.

Written by: Katie Cavanaugh, Raymer Maguire,  Andrew Vanderploeg & Leah Liebler

Dude, Where’s the Beer?
On Thursday, October 21, Waltham Police contacted Bentley Police regarding a student and his fake ID. Officers used surveillance footage to determine that the student’s getaway car was registered to a Bentley student. Apparently, a student borrowed his roommate’s car to use a fake ID that wasn’t even his. But due to some fine detective work, this half-baked scheme did not work. The guilty student will be visiting Waltham Court and will be charged judicially with underage alcohol use and possession of a fake ID.

Just Popped In
On October 20, around 9:55 p.m., officers were alerted that a fire alarm had been set off in the Orchard residence halls. A student had forgotten the strategic amount of time to prepare a bag of popcorn, resulting in enough smoke from the burning snack to set off the alarm. Fire trucks were dispatched from the local Waltham station. Unfortunately, in their haste to arrive, they did not notice that the gate between Beaver St. and the Lower Campus walkway had been prematurely lowered, and the large truck plowed straight through it. No report as to whether the campus, the fire station or the hungry student will be covering the cost of these damages.

Hitting the Streets
Early on the morning of Wednesday, October 21, Waltham Police found several Bentley students laying in the middle of Beaver Street. The officer was obviously concerned by this strange behavior and approached the students in the road. As the officer got out of the car, all but one of the students ran away. When the officer asked the remaining boy laying in the street what was happening, his response was that they were “just goofing around.” The student called his friends back and they came out of hiding from the bushes. The group’s explanation for their behavior was stupidity. They were not judicially charged.

Ghost Ridin’
At 6:20 p.m. on October 19, a vehicle parked on Lower Campus, which was believed to be in park, was in fact in neutral. As a result, the car rolled forward approximately 30 feet and hit the fence of the Baseball Field. After the incident, the owner drove the vehicle off the grass and parked the vehicle in the Farm Lot. The bumper of the vehicle sustained light damage, and the fence pole was moved slightly but suffered no real damage from the collision.

Tower of Terror
The unpredictable antics of the Collins elevators were rampant again last Monday evening, October 18. Around 9:15 p.m., officers received a report that there was a group of students stuck in limbo between the third and fourth floors. Facilities was notified of this dangerous situation, but reports indicate that their arrival on scene was quite delayed. After some uncomfortable waiting, another group of concerned students tried their luck at freeing the ill-fated group. Luckily, they managed to get the fickle machines to settle on one floor, and the students were safe on solid ground before Facilities had a chance to perform a daring rescue.

BP Part Deux
A little past noon on Sunday, October 17, University Police were called by a AAA driver who reported a gas leak on the Miller deck. The fire department was notified and was soon on their way. When they arrived, they found a red Jeep with a large gas stain under it. The owner of the vehicle was called and stated that it had in fact been leaking for quite some time. The student was asked to start her car, causing gas to leak profusely onto the pavement. The fire department cleaned the area with Speed Dry and coned off the vicinity.

Sleepin’ it Off
A worried student called Bentley Police concerned that a male walking to his car might try to drive. This person was obviously intoxicated and was seen entering a Ford pick-up truck. When officers approached the truck, they found the male sleeping in the back. This non-Bentley student stated that he could not drive due to intoxication. The underage male was placed into protective custody due to his unstable condition.

Light Lunch
The afternoon of October 15, at 2:53 p.m., a call was made to Bentley Police reporting that a Sodexo employee had fainted on the third floor of LaCava. When officers arrived, he was found sitting in a chair, appearing flustered. The employee said he had been looking for his uniform when he felt dizzy, and sat on the floor, which helped him feel better. Officers questioned whether he had eaten, suspecting dangerously low blood pressure, but he had recently enjoyed lunch, so the cause of fainting is still unclear.

Written By: Katie Cavanaugh, Raymer Maguire,  Andrew Vanderploeg & Leah Liebler

Moon Landing
Officer was dispatched to lot behind Collins Hall for a report of a motor vehicle accident. The officer was met by a student operating a black Honda and a student driving a black Chrysler. Neither was injured as a result of the accident. Both were backing up from their parking spaces when their rear bumpers hit each other. Driver of white car was parked on bookstore side, black on Falcone side. There was minor damage on the Chrysler, moderate on Honda. The parties exchanged info and were told there would be a report on file for insurance.

Glass Houses
Saturday, October 9, at 4:24 p.m., a student reported that the window in the common room of his suite had been vandalized. Officers arrived and observed that only one pane had been splintered, while the other was mysteriously still intact. Student did not know how the damage ensued, though when he left Friday night he received a call from a friend at around 10 p.m. that the vandalism occurred in his absence. Grounds were searched but officers could not gather a clear picture of how the damage ensued. Cameras in the area were also of no use and had been fixed upon a particular problem area of lower campus, without scanning. Due to lack of suspects, this case has been dismissed.

Joint Smokers
On Monday, October 11, at 12:25 a.m., officers on patrol at Lower Campus were notified of a suspicious smell outside of Copley North. Someone called in this skunky aroma because they believed someone may have been abusing the campus drug policy. As the police arrived, they saw two males walking by the cruiser where the officers were. The students stated they had not been smoking, but that they had seen others doing it earlier. Later, the Police saw two more students leaving Copley North heading toward the side of the building.

As the Police approached, they watched a male unzip his pants as if to urinate. Officers asked him why he was urinating on the wall, and he said he was sorry and identified another male as his friend who was bringing him home. The Bentley student hosting the friends was then called down by the officers. He was told that he was responsible for these two males under the guest policy. When questioned as to whether they were the two marijuana smokers, they quickly stated they were in fact not said smokers. Their IDs were checked for warrants and came back negative. The Bentley student will be charged judicially for guest policy violation, and the guests were allowed to return to student’s room.

Trans-Hit and Run
On the afternoon of Sunday, October 10, there was an accident on the field road behind the track. Officers were met by a distressed, non-Bentley student who stated that her Jeep was parked along this road when a transit bus had hit it. Not surprisingly, the bus caused damage to her rear bumper, tail light and quarter panel with numerous scrapes and scratches. The pissed off owner of the Jeep said there were multiple witnesses. When she spoke with the driver of the bus, he stated that he drove close to the curb to avoid all the cars parked to the right of him. He vehemently denied striking the Jeep, saying that he did not feel the impact. Officers found small, red remnants of tail light on the front right corner of the bus.

Cobra Attack
At 11:10 p.m. on October 11, on the fourth floor of Maple Hall, a student was being uncooperative with a staff member. The staff member stated the resident was unsteady on his feet while in the hallway. When staff requested to see the resident’s ID, the student handed staff a cell phone case, and then admitted to drinking alcohol on Lower Campus. An officer arrived and spoke with the student in the doorway of his room. The student’s speech was slurred and his eyes were very glossy. The student admitted to drinking two 40 oz beers, King Cobras to be specific, without vomiting.
Unable to care for himself, the student was placed in protective custody and transferred to the Waltham Police Station. Upon arriving at the police station, the student began to vomit violently, and an ambulance was dispatched to the police station. The student will be judicially charged with an underage alcohol violation. The poor kid didn’t even make it into his jail cell… He vomited in the police garage.

Viva La Revolución
On Monday, October 11, on the fourth floor of Spruce Hall there was a report of vandalism. Written messages adorned white boards up and down the hall, as well as on the doors and windows in the bathroom. Upon investigation, the vandal’s message appeared to be in Spanish. “Vamos a la playa. Me gusta la fiesta, Spruce 3” was the vandal’s message, which translates to “We go to the beach. I like the party, Spruce 3.” Luckily, the vandal was not too malicious and used dry erase markers to convey their message. This made it easy for facilities to clean up the mess. The case is closed due to a lack of suspects.

Painful Needles
The afternoon of Wednesday, October 13, officers were dispatched to LaCava after a report that a female student had suffered a tumble. After leaning precariously while seated in a high counter chair, she tried to catch herself, but was found sitting on the floor, clearly in a large amount of pain. She had been victim of the chronic “numb leg” syndrome; her leg had dangerously fallen asleep, and could not support her when she tried to use it to anchor her during the leaning, resulting in an ankle injury. Noticed swelling was beginning to occur, and ice was applied. When officers asked if she wanted to be transported to the hospital, she stated she certainly would. A fire truck arrived, as part of protocol, and the student was transferred to a local hospital.

Written by: Katie Cavanaugh, Raymer Maguire,  Andrew Vanderploeg & Leah Liebler

Suspicious Behavior
On October 2 around 7:00 p.m., a student called dispatch to notify Campus Police of a non student who was wandering around Miller Hall.
When the officer asked the student for a description of the subject, she said that she would call back with one. The student never called back. No further investigation was done.

Smoke Show at Bentley
On Saturday, October 2 at 7:29 p.m., officers responded to a fire alarm in Boylston A. Upon arrival, abandoned food was found upon the stove. There were no actual flames, but plenty of smoke.
The Waltham Fire Department came and evaluated, determined there was no threat and reset the alarm panel. The residents did not return to the room and will appear in front of judicial court to be charged with an accidental fire alarm.

Not So Lucky
On Saturday, October 2 at approximately 8:40 p.m., officers received a call from Slade Hall. A male student reported that his clothes had been stolen from the laundry room.
The student stated that he had last seen his clothes when he had taken them from the dryer and laid them on the folding table.
Unfortunately, four pairs of Lucky jeans, a pair of Wranglers and a pair of shorts were missing. The pantless student reported the value of stolen clothes to be $400, and he is on the lookout for those Lucky pants.

How Much? A Lot.
At 1 a.m. on October third,
A male, in Slade, was quite disturbed. Upon arrival, officers found his head in the sink,
and asked, “Sir, how much did you have to drink?”
“A lot” was what the male replied, and then an ambulance was notified.
Our dear friend in Slade will face the Judicial Board. Guess he should have counted how much he poured.

Welcome, Officers
On Sunday morning at 2:15 a.m., an intoxicated male greeted officers at his door. His slurred speech and lack of balance prompted officers to remove the alcohol from his refrigerator.
When it was determined that he could no longer stand or walk, the ambulance took the liberty of acquainting this freshman with the Newton, Wesley hospital.
The student is being charged with an underage alcohol violation and protective custody.

Goodbye Safety Equipment
Early Sunday morning, a shuttle bus driver reported a student who was forcibly opening the doors to the bus and throwing safety equipment onto the street.
Although details were not confirmed, safety equipment may have included, though is not limited to, the shuttle’s fire extinguisher, first aid kit, flashlight and perhaps even seat-belts.
By the time officers reached the scene, both shuttle and student had dispersed.
The investigation continues, and the shuttle driver plans on providing a physical description of the suspect later in the week.

Shuttle Trouble
The Bentley Shuttle notified dispatch of an altercation he was having with four male students. Dispatch notified Cambridge Police. Cambridge Police arrived and escorted the students off the bus. No further information was reported.

Locked Out
On the morning of Friday, October 1 at 7:51 a.m., police were notified that a male worker employed by the Bentley post office had gotten locked out of the Mailroom. A security officer unlocked the Mailroom and the employee retrieved his keys.

5h!t Hit The Fan
On the evening of September 29, a student reported that the women’s restroom of Collins Hall needed to be cleaned. Facilities were notified of this dire situation. No report on any relation to former elevator issue.

Written by: Katie Cavanaugh, Raymer Maguire & Andrew Vanderploeg

Sir, You’re Naked
While on a routine patrol at approximately 4:40 a.m. on Saturday, September 5, an officer noticed a nude male outside Slade Hall. When asked why he was naked, the student responded that he had to use the bathroom outside and was unable to get back inside. He probably left his ID in his pants.

When asked why he had not used the bathroom inside, he stated that it smelled due to people not flushing the toilet. Once officers retrieved clothes for the student, a field sobriety test was administered. The student was determined intoxicated, but not a danger to himself. He was allowed to return to his room and will be charged with intoxication and suspicious behavior.

Sunday Football
Sunday, September 19, at 5:30 p.m., Campus Police received a call from a student who reported that he had just been physically accosted via a punch to the face. His crime? Being a Jets fan. When officers arrived on the scene of the altercation, the student explained that his “harmless joke” of pretending to toss a Patriots hat out the window was not taken lightly by his counterpart.

When the steel-fisted student was found and questioned, he reported that the first student had began the confrontation first when he grabbed him at the neck, dangerously cutting off his air supply. After assessing the situation, officers determined that a safety risk still remained if these two gentlemen were left together. The student was escorted to an alternative residence hall for the remainder of the night. Both students will be charged with violation of University rules and physical confrontation.

Ode to the Guest Policy
At 4 a.m. on Friday morning,
Officers found a drunk girl mourning.
Her friend would not pick up the phone,
Thus she was stuck outside all alone.
Perhaps this friend had heard no call,
Or kicked her straight out of the hall.
We know not where she went to school,
Only that she broke thy Golden Rule,
For she had no Bentley identification,
And was found guilty of Guest Policy violation.

Locker Shocker
Officers were dispatched to the Dana Center to talk with a party who had his car key stolen from a Dana Center locker.

At 11:50 a.m., an hour after initially storing his possessions, the victim discovered his car key was missing from his unlocked locker. It was determined that no other items were taken from the locker.

Officers and the victim went out to the vehicle and determined that his wallet was missing. The party notified his spouse of the incident, and requested she arrive with a spare key. It was later confirmed that only the wallet was missing from the vehicle. Bentley security cameras did not have a view of the area where the car was parked at the time. The case is still open and under investigation.

No Shank You
September 19, at 1:13 a.m., a thirsty student enquired a group of African American males about where they had gotten the alcoholic beverages they were enjoying. This student kept up the pleading long after many rejections, causing tension with the four men. Officers observed the panicked male running towards his vehicle, reporting that someone had pulled a knife on him.

The victim displayed a cut between his thumb and index finger, a result of trying to push the knife away. He pointed out the group of males heading towards Miller Hall. Officers pursued the swift-moving pack as three scattered and one fell behind and tripped over a curb. The straggler was placed in cuffs and the officers called for backup. The remaining men were recognized as passengers of a red vehicle heading for the campus exit. They were told to leave the premises. This case is still under investigation.

Read Me My Rights
Early in the morning on September 19, Police were called to Fenway Hall due to a man knocking on random doors. A Bentley student pointed police in the right direction. Officers approached the party and explained that there had been some complaints. The man was determined not to be a Bentley student and had the smell of alcohol exuding from his breath.

The man was speaking so softly that officers were not able to understand his response. The suspect then spoke up and asked the officers to read him his rights. He was not under arrest and did not need to have his rights read to him. He was determined to be very intoxicated and a danger to himself. He was taken to Waltham Police Department to be booked. This intoxicated man claimed he was visiting a friend’s sibling.

Definitely Defecation
An anonymous tip indicated facilities of an extremely unpleasant discovery in the corner of the Collins Hall elevator. Upon investigation, it was confirmed that the pile was in fact human feces. The case is not being investigated.

Written by: Katie Cavanaugh, Raymer Maguire, & Andrew Vanderploeg

Sir, You Have a Milkshake in Your Pants
Since the arrival of the ingenious milkshake machine at the Mad Falcon, there have been many happy Bentley goers gleefully enjoying these delicious dairy treats. Unfortunately, the allure of these milkshakes caused things to go sour between staff and a student last weekend. On September 12, officers were called into the Bentley Student Center around 1:30 a.m. after a report from the residing Building Manager about an escalating confrontation with a late-night customer. Based on the Building Manager’s observations, a particular male student had created a crafty plan to avoid the purchase segment of the milkshake experience by utilizing his pants as a holding device.

The keen eyes of the Student Center staff spotted these antics and immediately confronted him about his naughty ways. Feeling wrongfully accused, the student became very irate, and began producing receipts in an attempt to prove his innocence. The student’s anger escalated even further when he began threatening the safety of the BM, describing the physical harm he wished to inflict upon him in great detail. When officers arrived they were able to calm down the student. For his flagrant actions, the student was charged with endangerment of health and safety as well as disrespect to administration. No report as to what flavor may have been slowly trickling down his leg.

The Four-Month Bathroom Break
 Campus Police received a puzzling call at 5:31 a.m. on September 13. At first the student went on to describe a fairly common laptop theft. He had gone to the bathroom and left his computer unattended in the Miller Hall study room. Unfortunately, when he came back, it was gone. The interesting aspect of this case was that it took the student four months to report the incident, seeing how the original abandonment took place on the afternoon of May 4.

Stainless, But Not Painless
Police received a call reporting a case of trauma to the head on the morning of September 15. The culprit was a large stainless steel bowl perched precariously on the edge of a warmer in the kitchen of Seasons Dining Hall. A dedicated Sodexho worker may have benefited from the use of a stool, but instead decided she could probably grab it if she just really stretched and strained, which only ended in some intense displeasure for her skull and loud clanging noises. When officers arrived, the injured woman was found sitting down on the floor, fairly rattled from the whole incident. Due to a language barrier, translators were needed to communicate just what had happened and assure that she was still aware of her surroundings. No further medical investigation was needed, and we hope the bowl has now been relocated to a reasonable shelf level.

Jonah Takalua Tags the Trees
At 2:56 a.m. on Sunday morning, Campus Police received a call from a staff member in the Trees Dorms reporting that a series of images had been drawn in the third floor halls. Campus Police arrived to find inappropriate and offensive drawings adorning the walls from Maple Hall to Spruce Hall. The images, able to be interpreted as “dictation,” are a known tag of the infamous character Jonah Takalua, a student from the show Summer Heights High.
According to the visual judgment of all observers, these graphic images certainly cannot be classified as artwork. After contacting residence hall staff, it was also confirmed that this had not been encouraged in any sort of “Make a Mural” floor program. Campus Police documented the violation and swiftly notified facilities. No guilty party has been found, and the case at this time remains open.
Two Guys, One Beer
On Sunday, September 5, while on a normal patrol of Fenway, an officer observed a student with an open beer can in the hallway. The officer approached the student, asking him his age and where he got the beer. The student did not say where he got the alcohol, but he did admit to being under 21. Forty minutes later, while on patrol in Copley North, the same officer observed a similar situation when he located a student on the third floor with an open container. The student also admitted to being underage but provided no information as to where he got the beverage. Both students will be judicially charged with open consumption of alcohol and an underage alcohol violation.
Green Trees
Around 3:14 a.m. on September 11, a faculty member saw, and perhaps smelled, that a freshman was up to no good. The student in question was discovered to have a bag with a green, leafy substance. After minimal investigation, this substance was determined to be marijuana, and Bentley Police were notified. The substance was confiscated and promptly destroyed, and the student will be judicially charged. Case closed.

Written by: Gaelen Austin-LaFrance & Garren Hilow

Safety cone to the rescue!
A sergeant reported that a storm drain cover had raised up several inches above the ground, causing a tripping hazard Thursday. Facilities Management was notified. Security officer deployed a cone for safety.

We have a video game class?
A staff member from the English department called police on Thursday to report that someone had stolen a Playstation 3 game console.  Apparently the video game console is used to teach a video game class (which we never saw on the course listings). The department had no idea who took the console and said that it could have been stolen up to a month ago.

It was unclear about why it took so long for them to report it. The police requested the serial numbers for the system so they could track down the culprits. This case remains open.

Wait, you changed your name to McLovin?
Waltham Police delivered a report to the University Police regarding an incident that occurred the previous evening involving two Bentley students. The report indicated that one student had attempted to purchase alcohol with a fake ID at Glendale’s. When the officer arrived at the package store, he spoke with the student outside and noticed him looking suspiciously at a car in the parking lot. He informed the officer that it was his car and his roommate was in it.
The officer approached the vehicle and observed a 6-pack of Blue Moon beer in the back seat. When asked for his ID, the student in the car produced yet another fake ID.  The beer was removed and the students will face criminal charges as well as being nailed with judicial charges of violation of university rules, possession of a false ID, and underage alcohol violation.

Dinner on the stairs?
A staff member requested an officer assist her in dealing with students who put a table in the first floor stairwell of Forest Hall Sunday. The officer reported that all was in order and Residence Life will handle the case.

Who will stop this senseless stealing?
A distraught student entered the Police Station Saturday afternoon to report she had been robbed. After working out in the Dana Center earlier that afternoon, she noticed her cell phone, wallet, Bentley ID, and iPod had been removed from the front pocket of her sweatshirt that was left in the coatroom.

After checking the area, she was unable to locate her  items. She didn’t notice anyone in the area who might have taken her things and was told to deactivate her discretionary funds and contact her cell phone company. The case is considered closed due to a lack of information.

Backpack burglar bonuses big bank
Early Monday morning, just after 4 a.m., a student arrived at the police station to report his backpack had been stolen. After returning from a night out, he had left his bag in front of his dorm door in Slade to use the restroom. Upon returning, the bag was missing. There were no witnesses of the crime. The student informed officers that the stolen backpack contained a wallet, blue jacket, keys, a cell phone, and his Bentley-issued laptop.

Upon further investigation, it was found that someone had begun using the credit cards just prior to him cancelling them. The case is currently under investigation.

Mischief in Collins
Monday, Residence Life staff reported that there were students yelling and running up and down the stream behind Collins Hall. Officers responded and had the parties disperse.

Vendor’s vittles vandalized
Monday morning, just before 11:30, University Police were contacted regarding a Copley North vending machine. A vending representative observed glass had been pushed in both the top and the bottom of the machine and the screws that held it in place were removed. Food had been stolen, however no money was taken. The rep indicated that he will certainly be reporting this to his office.  Due to lack of suspects, this case is considered closed.

An Orchard of fireworks
A student reported fireworks coming from a window in Orchard South Saturday. Upon arrival, the officer reported there was no one in the area.

I do what I want!
Officers were waiting for a tow truck Wednesday afternoon when they were approached by an upset male waving a parking violation. The person identified himself as a freshman student and asked the officers why he had received the ticket. The officers told him that he had parked in a faculty parking lot.

When he persisted, officers asked if he was a staff member. The student admitted that he was not a staff member and claimed that he was only there for a few minutes. When officers reminded him that the lot he was parked in was only for staff, he stated that the $25 fine he received was a little steep for the crime.

The officer informed the student that the fine size was not his choice. The freshman sarcastically stated, “Thanks,” and as he walked back towards his car, he yelled, “I’ll park here if I want to!” Officers took his ID number and he will be cited with disrespect to administrative personnel, being uncooperative with administrative personnel to go along with his parking violation.

FYI: Key’s under the mat
University Police received a copy of a report Wednesday evening from Waltham Police involving Bentley students and a taxi fare evasion off campus. The Waltham officer arrived at Ridge Lane the night before where he met with a cab driver who had been stiffed his fare by a drunken student. The cabbie informed the officer that he had seen the former passenger walk around the back of one of the houses to retrieve cash for the fare and hadn’t returned.

Upon walking around the house in question, the officer was surprised to see a smashed window through which he could see a male asleep on the bed inside. The student had apparently broken into his buddy’s house and passed out on his bed. After being woken up, the male decided to pay the fare and will be judicially charged with breaking and entering, an underage alcohol violation, and malicious behavior.
WANTED: Police Log Writer
You should be organized, witty, creative, and available. You will be working with Raymer Maguire, and should contact him at raymermaguire@gmail.com with your application.

Written by: Gaelen Austin-LaFrance & Garren Hilow

Smoking the Wacky Tobacky
Officers were on patrol around Slade Hall Tuesday at approximately 6 p.m. when they smelled something a little funky. As they approached the cement stairs, the officers witnessed two parties exhale smoke and throw something onto the ground.  They smelled the odor of burnt marijuana in the air. The students informed the police that the smell was from someone who had just passed by smoking and hadn’t shared with them at all! The students went on to claim that what they had thrown before the officers arrived was a cigarette and that they had not been smoking weed. When the students searched for but could not find the cigarette butt, officers began to get suspicious. During the search for the mystery cigarette, a marijuana blunt roach was found.  Eventually, one of the students admitted it was theirs.  Both will be charged with possession and use of a controlled substance.  The more rambunctious student will be additionally charged with being uncooperative with administrative personnel.

Boot and Rally
A Student Center employee called the police at 2:30 a.m. Saturday morning with a report of an intoxicated female vomiting in the bathroom. When officers arrived, they found her in the stall and asked her to come out.  It was determined that she was sober enough to take care of herself and was returned to her room.  She will be charged with an underage alcohol violation.

Larry Looselips Spills the Beans
While taking a lovely Saturday evening stroll down the back side of Maple Hall, officers overheard a male yelling, “Hey, do you want bottles or cans?” The student walked straight out of Maple and was shocked to see the waiting officers. The police told him that they had overheard what he had said and asked for his ID.  He handed over his Bentley ID as well as a Florida driver’s license that showed he was underage. Curious as to how the student was expecting to purchase alcohol, they then asked him whether or not he owned a fake ID.  He was surprisingly cooperative and produced a fake Nevada license with his name and picture on it.  He also admitted that he was going to purchase alcohol for his friends. He will be charged with possession of a false ID, planning to furnish alcohol for minors and a violation of University rules.

Masked Bandits Terrorize Neighborhood
Wednesday morning, Bentley Police got a call from residents on Wood Cliff Road reporting five males suspiciously walking through the wooded area of Waltham High School.  They told police that two of the males were blindfolded and that the other three were carrying rope. When police arrived and found the students, none of them were blindfolded or carrying rope.  They informed officers they had been up all night working on a project, and upon finishing, decided to go for a walk.  They were looking for a path that they had been told led to a good place to smoke. The police asked if they had been blindfolded and the students said, “No, but someone was wearing a skull cap… We have nothing to hide.”  The students were charged with suspicious behavior for disturbing the residents on the access road.

Water balloons, $2.50. Security Cameras, $5,000,000. Catching suspects on tape, priceless.
Thursday night at around 7 p.m., reports of people throwing water balloons from the second floor of Fenway Hall started coming into the police station. The dispatcher on duty was able to use high-tech spy cameras to identify which room the balloons were coming from. When officers went to put a stop to the shenanigans, they counted as many as 15 balloon marks on the ground and colorful latex carnage strewn all over. When the police located the room and knocked on the door, two students stepped out into the hallway. They both admitted to throwing the balloons, and one exclaimed, “I didn’t know it was illegal to throw water balloons.” The officer explained that they posed a serious safety risk to the campus and that they needed to cease fire at once. They then searched the apartment and recovered one full water balloon that had not yet been hurled. The students will both be charged with disorderly conduct and causing a safety risk. During the interrogation officers noticed three beer cans on the table of the room. One of the students was 21 but the other was underage. Because they were both emanating an odor of alcohol, the underage student also slapped with an underage alcohol violation.

Ultra ID Protection
Last Wednesday just after lunchtime, a resident of Cedar Hall called into the station to report a curious discovery. She had arrived back at her dorm to find an ID inside a condom taped to her door. Officers removed it from the door and took it back to the station where it is being kept as evidence for this case.

It was later discovered that the same ID was related to a prior incident. Here’s what we now know:  A student spray painted “F*** U” on a pillar outside of Cedar earlier this week. The student was identified, and subsequently busted. That student claims he was framed in the spraypaint incident and that his ID was missing at the time. It has since been determined  that the ID inside the condom was, in fact, a red herring intended to throw Campus Police off the trail. The case is considered open.