Written by: Dan Merica

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, girls and guys all over campus are trying to define their physical relationships with one another in the hopes of having an enjoyable Valentine’s Day, and perhaps night.

According to Jen Casavant, assistant director of Residence Life, these physical relationships, many of which are defined as “hooking up.”

Even with the possibility of hooking up on the rise, it is the definition of “hooking up” that not only leaves participating students miffed, but also causes staff to pause in an effort to find the right words to describe the phenomenon. Dr. Brenda Hawks, associate director of Counseling and Student Development here at Bentley, says that in the counseling office, “We let the client define what it is.”

Dr. Hawks goes on to explain that each student exhibits his or her own definition of what hooking up is. “I think it really is an umbrella term now for this generation, but it is anything sexual that happens,” said Dr. Hawks.

Casavant agreed with Dr. Hawks, saying that she believed it was “any sort of sexual activity that is not within the context of a committed relationship.”

While the definition of hooking up may differ from person to person, there is some unanimity in the agreement that hooking up can leave the participants at a disadvantage, both now and once they leave Bentley.

“As a therapist, what I see a lot are people who are lonely,” said Dr. Hawks. “There are a lot of lonely people here at Bentley.” Dr. Hawks went on to say that at Bentley a student is lucky if he or she has two or three emotionally intimate friends, “who really know the intimate stuff in his or her life… In some ways that is what a romantic, intimate relationship can give people.”

What comes with that lack of emotional intimacy, according to Dr. Hawks, is an inability to accept yourself as well as partners in relationships.

“The most important thing about being intimate is being able to accept the range of humanity in yourself and in another person,” said Dr. Hawks. “I think especially at Bentley we have this push to be perfect… but inside we all are a little chaotic. What an intimate relationship gives people is just an incredible acceptance of themselves and of the other person. That is what people are missing,” she concluded.

Students look to fill the void that comes with a lack of emotional intimacy, something that Casavant believes can be detrimental in the long run.

“If you don’t have this stable, emotional relationship with someone to rely on, you are constantly replacing it with the physical…” said Casavant, which she believes can eventually create a “sense of anonymity amongst people.”

“If that is all we are seeing one another to be good for, if I am meeting men and all I see is a potential hookup and that is it, what does that do to my sense of self worth?” Casavant pointed out.

When attempting to fill that void with continual emotionless, physical relationships, both Hawks and Casavant pointed to the fact that students will occasionally turn to substances like drugs and alcohol.

Substances also play a large role in whether a hookup occurs at all. Dr. Hawks supports this by stating, “I bet you that most people don’t hook up unless they have been drinking…  and if you have only met people and had intimacy when you are drunk and hooking up, how do you go about dating?”

Bentley students are not the only group of college-aged kids that are participating in the hookup culture. According to a recent Stanford University study, 75 percent of college students have had one hookup by senior year, and the average number of hookup relationships per person over their time in college is 6.9, as opposed to 4.4 traditional dating relationships.

“A long time ago you had a relationship with someone and it could lead to sex,” said Dr. Hawks. “Now you have sex and it could lead to a relationship,” she finished.

The idea behind hooking up, a physical relationship before an emotional relationship, is nothing new, with the “free love” era of the 1960’s and 70’s as evidence of that. However, what may have changed is the way that hooking up effects the development of students.

“I think it hurts males and females differently,” Dr. Hawks said, stating that at this time in development, men are grappling with being comfortable in an emotionally intimate relationship, while women in college are dealing with “autonomy, feeling independent, and owning their strength and power.” This can lead to development issues because, according to Dr. Hawks, “There is a disconnect between what they need and what hooking up gives them.”

This disconnect not only applies to heterosexual couples.“In gay relationships, often the same could be true… they may feel they got what they wanted but not what they needed,” Dr. Hawks explained.

Both Dr. Hawks and Casavant agreed that some cases of hooking up do work and both parties involved get what they need. However, they question the reasons for hooking up as opposed to dating.

“For some people, hooking up works fine,” said Casavant. “But for the vast majority, they convince themselves it’s what they want and that it’s OK. But is it really or are you just doing it because that’s the culture?” she concluded.

“A culture of hooking up has the propensity to be dangerous emotionally, but you can’t make a blanket statement because everyone is different,” said Dr. Hawks. “But when I think about what is necessary to be a full, happy human being, hooking up really doesn’t provide you opportunities to do that,” she finished.

See next week’s edition for Part Two of our Valentine’s Day feature: Intimacy in the Hook Up Era: Students.