Police Log

Written by admin on . Posted in News

Sean Harrington and Brian Shea

Party People

A sergeant responded to Copley North for a report of food poisoning on Monday morning. A number of students became sick after dining at an off-campus establishment. Some may call this a freak accident, but we Bentley students are too smart for this reductive conclusion. Obviously, the food poisoning stemmed from an act of voodoo by the Seasons gods. If the sick students had only gone to an on-campus eatery, they wouldn’t have found themselves in a pickle. The stuff they put in our food ensures that we’re safe from such dangers. Whatever your reasons, eat at Seasons!

Browned Out

One Bentley student decided to take his talents all the way to the Ivy League this weekend. University Police received a call from the one and only Brown University late Saturday night, informing them that the Brown Police Department had taken a Bentley student into protective custody. Apparently, the student was visiting a friend at the pompous place for professional preparation in Providence, and he had a few too many to drink. In fact, when he was found by Brown PD, the male was unresponsive and had to be taken to a local hospital for treatment. There ya go, buddy. Not the best “rep” of the Falcon name, to say the least. But you know what they say: Be smart. If you can’t be smart, be careful. And if you can’t be careful…puke your guts on some arrogant Ivy League kids!

Pot in Herrre

There were multiple reports of marijuana use on Friday, April 20. This comes as no surprise, as 4/20 is essentially Christmas Day to the weed-smoking community. It also comes as no surprise that there were multiple reports of pot-tery that shaped up outside of Slade and Trees. To be honest, we’re pretty sick of this green initiative happening over and over again every year. It’s time for some new 4/20 traditions. Get into the green spirit next year by going through all of your extra stuff and recycling what you don’t need. Try planting trees instead of smoking them. These are just a couple options, you can hash out your plans however you want. Just be sure to set the bar (and not your mental state) high!

Oh no, CoNo…

University Police received a report of a disturbance in Copley North last Friday night. It must have been getting pretty Hot in there, as the caller informed police of some loud fighting in one particular suite. An interesting Dilemma was presented to the responding officers when they found one student unresponsive. Apparently, the student did not heed the warning of “Here Comes the Boom,” and tried to stand up to his vices with the Heart of a Champion. When the student finally woke up, however, he realized that the night was definitely not Just a Dream. The police officer on duty invited the student to “Ride Wit’ Me.” N Dey Say we aren’t #1 here at Bentley…oh Nelly!

Booked

Last Friday, a student was reportedly disrespecting a member of the Library staff. The Library staff member immediately notified University Police of the student’s behavior. The student will be charged judicially with being uncooperative with a staff member. Lesson learned: you may be able to screw with Sodexo employees, Facilities workers, or the ResLife staff, but NOBODY messes with the librarians. And when we say nobody, we mean the amount of people at Bentley arts events NOBODY. Oh ya? Gonna back-talk about using that study room for personal use? BAM, good luck with no housing credits next year, chump. The book stops here!

A Pair of Pukers

Two freshman females decided to be twins last Saturday night. Both were placed into protective custody and charged with underage alcohol violations. Both vomited in dorms starting with the letter “M” (Miller and Maple). Both were transported to Newton-Wellesley Hospital due to their incoherence and inebriation. Police have no tolerance for this (and, from the sounds of it, neither do these two freshman girls…), so these judicial meetings promise to be interesting. You know what would be awesome? If Judge Judy presided over Bentley’s judicial hearings. I can only imagine dozens of people across the country watching college kids being interrogated on not-so-prime-time cable. We’d even take Judge Trudy. Just get us on TV.

Other Assorted Logs

There was some other stuff that simply wouldn’t fit into their own police logs, but we thought you should know about them anyways. Some chick tried to use her roommate’s ID to register her boyfriend’s car on campus. A professor’s Lexus was keyed in a parking lot. Three cars were towed from the Farm Lot.

Freshman Puke Count

You want the honest number? It’s four. But let’s remember: These frosh are in for their very first Spring Day this Saturday! So, these reporters think it’s safe to add a couple zeros to the end of that lonely digit…400 pukers! Now it’s a party!

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