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Fifty papers. Eight hundred pages. Hundreds of dollars in discretionary money and Falcon Funds spent at Harry’s Corner. And one giant memorable thirty-two page issue. Take all of that, add it up, and you get two. Two long and wonderful years as Editor in Chief of the Vanguard.
When I started at the Vanguard, as a freshman, I wanted to be a sports writer. That’s it. I had no other intentions or aspirations. Keith Carroll was the Editor at that time and Sean Ruegg (who would be the Editor before I took over) was the Sports Editor. Before the first issue of the paper I submitted a “fall sports” article talking about how wonderful fall was because all four of the major sports converged at this point in the year. For some reason, Sean and Keith decided it was good enough to run and on Sept 15th 2005 when I picked up the paper, there I was with my name on the back page of a college newspaper.
I still remember how I felt in that moment, an amalgamation of surprise, elation and excitement. Even now, despite having written countless articles I still get that feeling a bit when I see my name listed in the paper. What has excited me more in recent years is watching young writers get their first articles published and seeing how similar their reactions are to the way mine were. It’s one of those things that once it happens once you’re pretty well hooked. It’s what I tell to all the new members that join the paper, and what I tell people when they ask whether writing for the Vanguard is worth it or not.
After a year and a half as a writer and sports editor, I ended up becoming Editor in Chief. Not because I was qualified or even really wanted the job; it was just that no one else wanted it. I ended up volunteering as a favor really, and that was that. Me, a sophomore and Editor in Chief of a college newspaper. I think that first night after elections I had a nervous breakdown.
From then on though, I never looked back. That first semester, and most of the second was hectic and rife with problems and mistakes. Some weeks I wondered how we ever got a paper released. But we did. That was probably more due to my staff than to me. The next year came along and I thought long and hard about stepping down, about giving someone else a chance to lead; while I would relegate myself back to being a writer or a section editor.
However, I found again that no one wanted the job; or if they did, they never vocalized it. So I decided to run again, but this time something was different. I had decided that I really enjoyed it, and wanted to continue. I wanted another chance to make the newspaper better.
And it has been that way ever since. I’ve spent as much time as I can pouring everything into this job. And trust me when I tell you, working for the paper is absolutely a job. In the words of Jerry Maguire, at times “.it is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege,” that you can never really fully understand until you live it. Doing some quick math, in production time alone I think I’ve logged somewhere in the realm of 515 hours on the Vanguard. And that doesn’t count the hours spent in meetings, working in the office, planning out the paper, making phone calls, taking pictures, finding sources, researching stories, etc. And a lot of times it’s all pretty thankless. If you succeed most people don’t even realize it, but when you fail or make a mistake, it’s on display for everyone to see. And it seems everyone notices when you fail. People often joke to me that no one reads the Vanguard. That would seem impossible given the number of comments and emails I receive when we mess something up.
But that’s all okay. You learn to make peace with that very quickly. In the end as long as people still find some reason to pick up the paper and read it every week, that’s good enough for me.
So why do it? Why on Earth would anyone endure all of that? Because it’s so worth it. Because the experience is invaluable and the opportunities innumerable. But most of all, and this is the dirty little secret of being the editor, it’s a hell of a lot of fun.
Now that my long journey is ending, I am reminded of what Sean told me when I first became editor. He always used to tell me that he learned more being Editor in Chief than he ever did in any of his college classes. I could not agree with him more. The lessons and experience this position has afforded me go well beyond anything else I have ever been involved with on the collegiate level, or anything even before that.
The thing I’ve always found funny about being the Editor in Chief, was that at no time during my tenure was I ever the best writer on the staff. Most people seemed to just assume this was the case, but in fact the truth is far from it. Really I’m just an extremely longwinded writer who has an above average vocabulary, a great knack for abusing commas, and I can at times use ellipses like they are going out of style.
I would be remised if I didn’t take some time to thank people who have been integral to the Vanguard over the last few years and acknowledge their tremendous contributions during my time as editor:
To anyone who ever picked up the Vanguard, whether you were reading it cover to cover, just checking out the Police Log or simply pointing out mistakes to your friends and making snide remarks, thank you. In the end, all newspapers are a product of the people who read it, and without the readers there wouldn’t be a reason for the Vanguard to exist.
To anyone who has ever removed papers from circulation thank you. To anyone to ever made a harmful comment about the newspaper, my staff or even me personally, thank you. You kept me and my staff grounded and you challenged us to improve and strive to be better time and again. To anyone who ever had a disagreement with me, I hope you understand it was never personal. My only intentions was to report to the student body information I believed to be vital to them, nothing more.
To my staff. To anyone who ever took a photo, copy edited a page, laid out the paper or wrote an article. Thank you. Your work meant more to me than you could ever know. I would have been nothing but a complete failure as Editor in Chief if not for my great staff. My successes are merely a reflection of their dedication and hard work. I am eternally indebted to them and hope that someday I will be able to return the favor.
To my family and friends. If I’m to blame anyone for where I am today, its most definitely them. Thank you. To everyone I needed to skip out on because of the paper, I apologize, especially my girlfriend. I’m still trying to live down having to leave our first Valentine’s Day dinner to fix a Vanguard crisis.
To Keith and Sean for giving me my first writing opportunity, thanks. To my section editors and fellow e-board members, thank you, especially my good friend Dan Ryaboy who has been by my side since day one and has spent many long evenings in the office with me trying to solve newspaper problems ranging from the serious to the ridiculous. Thank you to everyone for putting up with me, for working with me, for helping me improve the paper. As well as, for telling me when I was being dumb (every editor needs people to do that). There are a million other people who I could list here, but I have a feeling this letter is running long enough as it is.
And to anyone who doesn’t take the paper seriously. For everyone who thinks all we do is write about Bingo events and report on college sporting news, thank you. Because you show all of us at the Vanguard that our work is not complete. That we have much more to work toward and that we can still improve. My only hope is that in future years that you will come to realize the dedication and the seriousness with which the members of this organization do their work.
Speaking of the future, we have a great new E-board that will be taking over the reins of the Vanguard in the spring. They are led by the new Editor in Chief Lindsay Sauve. She is every bit as capable as anyone who has ever taken up the job of Editor in Chief. I wait with great anticipation to see the growth and change that she and the new e-board will undoubtedly bring to the Vanguard. She has long been the leader of the production team and I have no doubt that she will grow to be a far greater editor in chief than I could ever hope to have been.
As I leave, there are a number of questions that people keep asking me, looking back through farewell letters of editors past, I realize we all end up getting the same ones in the end. People ask me if I’m going to spend my last few weeks and days spilling all the dirty little secrets about the school and the people here. The truthful answer is no, and even if I wanted to I really couldn’t. Because there really aren’t any hidden secrets. And anything I’ve learned either in confidence or off the record, well, that’s where it’s going to stay. If you really are that thirsty to know, join the Vanguard and find out.
They ask me what the best part of being Editor in Chief was. That question is probably the easiest one. There are a lot of high points. Getting to interview Gloria Larson the morning after she was announced as President of Bentley was pretty memorable. Interviewing one of my heroes, director Kevin Smith, over the phone was great too. And of course, being made fun of by Stephen Lynch in-front of a packed audience was awesome, (Thanks CAB!) Despite all the people I’ve met, the cool interviews, the cool places I’ve been there’s one thing that stands out. The best part of being Editor of the Vanguard, unquestionably is sitting in the office on a Wednesday afternoon with the production staff, and whoever else decided to come hang out, eating some pizza, producing the paper, and having a great time. Nothing even remotely approaches being as cool as that. And in the end, years from now. After everything else, the glitz and the privileges, have faded away, that’s what’s going to remain. My wonderful, incredible, incomparable staff and the time we shared.
The last question I seem to be getting more and more is whether I thought I was a good editor. I hate that question. It bothers me and I never know how to answer. If pressed though, I probably would say no; because there was a lot that I wanted to accomplish that I wasn’t able to. The wonderful thing of course is that there’s always a new editor to take over. And I can be content to hope that Lindsay will succeed where I failed. I have little doubt that will be true. In the end though, it’s hard for me to say whether I was successful or not. That’s not for me to determine. I hope I entertained you, the reader. I hope I informed you. I hope that even just once you picked up the Vanguard and learned something you didn’t know previously. If that happened, then maybe I was good. Maybe I was successful.
Before I wrap this up, I wanted to make one last bid to get people to come join the paper. (By the way, if you’ve read this far, thanks. I know I talk a lot, and I appreciate those of you who have made it this far. I’m almost done I promise.) The Vanguard really is one of, if not the best clubs to join. You will have a chance to interact with people and experience things that you won’t be able to anywhere else. More than that though, you get to join this wonderful tight knit group of people that really dedicate themselves solely to a single goal. And after awhile those titles and e-board positions give way and you’re left with a fantastic and awesome group of life-long friends. What more could you ask to get out of being part of a club or organization? As always, email vanguard@bentley.edu if you’re interested.
A big part of me wishes I could just go on writing this editorial forever. Because then I wouldn’t ever have to leave the Vanguard. But I know that’s not possible, and when it’s time to go it’s time to go. And on some level, I never will leave. I don’t think anyone ever really does. At least I hope not.
In the end, all I really know is that I poured absolutely everything I had into the job, and I know I loved every single minute of it. Serving as the Editor in Chief of the Vanguard has meant more to me than anything. So much so, that while I normally can think of a million words (and usually end up using a million) to describe any situation, I struggle to articulate just what this experience has meant to me. Even looking at everything I’ve just written, it doesn’t seem even remotely adequate enough. Perhaps then its most apropos for me to close with a quote from an unknown author. I think it best symbolizes just how hard it’s going to be to leave the Vanguard after the experiences I’ve had.
“It’s weird…you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second…just so it can hurt a little more.”-unknown
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